The Himalayan Odyssey

My desire to ride in the Himalayas had taken birth a decade ago when my friend Ashwin spent 16 days there on his Pulsar 220, more so as he had published a book about his experience. However, work and family had always prevented me from making the effort of planning the expedition. Moreover, my current profile kept me within the office, unlike earlier when I was travelling to all nooks and corners of India. The pandemic drove the final nail on the coffin of my dreams.

Two hectic months at work leading to the launch of new Volvo trucks in India and I was convincing myself that I deserved a break. Now that I was living alone for a year and people had got bored of Covid scare, I was toying the idea of spending a week alone in the Himalayas. Like the monk who sold his Ferrari, I was wanting to do some soul searching.

When my colleague requested me to join him to Udaipur for a meeting with a road contractor, I instantly clubbed it with couple of other pending works with the Ministry in Delhi. I called up my friend, Ravikiran, in Delhi to inform him that I would be there for a day, and we could catch up if time permits. He had already planned to go to Leh for the Dasara weekend, and he invited me. It appeared like the universe was conspiring to turn my dream into reality.

I had already packed for the 2 days official trip. Just before leaving to the airport, I stuffed a jacket and a pair of gloves, just in case the Leh plan works out. One the way to the airport I called my friend and asked what the plan was. There was no plan. He had just booked his ticket to Leh – what to do there and how to return was not planned. We had Friday and Saturday with us. We had to return on Sunday, as I had to attend meetings on Monday.

My flight to Udaipur was via Mumbai with a 6 hrs gap in between. I landed in Mumbai by midnight. I went to the Lounge and started checking for flights. Within an hour I had booked the flight from Delhi to Leh, return from Leh to Chandigarh (as Leh-Delhi was ultra-expensive) and rescheduled my Delhi-Bangalore ticket from Thursday night to Monday early morning. My friend booked a hostel in Leh and the train tickets from Chandigarh to Delhi.

Now that we were sure to go, we started enquiring on what can we do in the 50 hrs that we get to spend in Leh. All of them laughed at the idea. For one, you need atleast 10 days to visit all the good places around Leh. Two, you need to acclimatize for atleast 24 hrs as you are jumping from zero to 11,500 ft – high chances of Acute Mountain Sickness. That left only one day for us. We tried all permutations and combinations to squeeze in two of the best places around Leh – the Nubra valley and the Pangong lake. But everyone advised us against it – Nubra can’t be covered in a day and Pangong was too cold to go on a bike.

We decided to try our luck. Now that the tickets were booked, there was no looking back.

Udaipur and Delhi meetings went well. Thursday night, I was sitting in Ravikiran’s house in Delhi trying to finish all the pending work – we had decided not to carry the laptop to Leh, first time in several years I would be completely shut-off from work. Ravikiran was travelling in Mumbai and he reached only by midnight. We had decided to carry only backpacks and we stuffed two pairs of clothes in. Done with the packing, we slept for 3 hours and the got ready to catch the 05.30 flight. As we spotted the snow-clad mountains from the airplane, we also caught the mobile signal from China!

The moment we landed in Leh, we were asked for Vaccination certificate. As I had taken my second dose only the previous week, I was asked to get a RTPCR done. We finished the formalities and were out o the airport by 7. As the weather was pleasant @ 1 deg, we decided to take the 6 km walk to the town. The town was still sleeping as we reached the main market. We found a breakfast joint and had stuffed parathas and hot ginger lemon honey tea. 

We walked further to our hostel. We couldn’t get our bunk beds as we were early. So, we dumped our bags and started the tour. We purchased a pair of thermals and better gloves, just in case we need it. We checked out a few bike rental shops and hired a RE Classic 350. We filled the tank and decided to go on the Kargil-Srinagar stretch. This was relatively flat terrain and the chances of AMS was lesser.

Few miles on the NH1 project Vijayak constructed by Border roads organization, and we were at the Hall of Fame – a museum to commemorate the sacrifice of all the soldiers who laid their life during the Kargil war. We decided to come back in the evening for the sound and light show here. As we rode further, we could feel the extent of Army’s presence in the area – both sides of the roads had army establishments.

We stopped frequently to take pics – the landscape was changing very fast: from the scenic Indus river to the bald mountains, flat and curvy roads, the Magnetic hill… 

We finally reached Sangam – the confluence of Indus and Zanskar river. We sat there for some time. I made a mental note to go on the 26 km rafting when I come along with family later.

We decided to ride along till 3 pm and then return – people had warned against driving in the dark: 1) it is dangerous 2) it is too cold. We reached Alchi monastery located in a deserted village. As we rode through, we felt like we were on the sets of a Hollywood zombie movie. When were reached the monastery, we found some civilization and also a restaurant. The monastery, like all other monasteries in the area were old and in ruins, had several avatars of Buddha. I sat down with my eyes closed enjoying the peace. But soul searching was not a five minute exercise – I got up and left. Hungry as we were, we gobbled Thupka and Chopsuey.

We rode back non-stop. As the sun was going down, we could feel the cold – specially at the fingers and toes, despite wrapped in gloves and shoes. It was dark when we reached the hall of fame again. We were too tired and shivering. We decided that we would not be able to do another bike ride the next day.

Somehow we entered the open air theatre and settled down to watch the sound and light show. It was a true account of how the Kargil war was fought – we had only seen glimpses of it in Border, LOC, Lakshya and Shershah. This was a no-masala version and it pepped us up from within. Our soldiers have dared all this adverse environment and protected us from enemy invasion. And we were giving up after one day on the bike?!

As we walked out of the show, I told Ravikiran. “After a good night’s sleep, I will be ready for our next ride.” Before handing over the bikes we made a quick visit to Shanti Stupa. On the way to the hostel, we found a Punjabi restaurant and ate hot rotis and paneer. The moment we reached the hostel, we found our bunks and tucked ourselves under the thick quilt. It felt heavenly. We were in deep sleep in an instant.

We were up by 6. We could feel the ice-cold water as were brushed. We decided to go for a walk until the bike rental shops open. I dared to step out only with my flimsy T-shirt and shorts; the plan was to jog and sweat. We went to the Leh Palace and returned. Not a drop of sweat. Instead, my fingers were turning dry and stiff because of cold. 

There was no hot water in the hostel. The josh of the army still fresh on my mind, I decided to take a cold shower. This was not new to me – I was used to taking cold showers after the morning jogs in Pune winters at 6-7 deg. 5-6 deg lesser should hardly make a difference. I was so wrong. The moment I turned on the shower, the cold water hit my head like needles of ice. In 15 seconds, I felt my blood had frozen and brain had stopped functioning as I felt dizzy. By 60 seconds I had gotten used to it. I had a proper bath, felt super fresh and walked out with teeth chattering. I got into my thermals, regular T-shirt and jeans, jacket on top, two pairs of socks, two pairs of gloves and a monkey cap. I told Ravikiran: “Let’s go to Khardung la!”

For the climb we decided to hire the RE  Classic 500. Khardung la was only 40 kms. But we were to gain 7000 ft altitude en route. It was one of the most satisfying rides of my life. All the efforts put in just for a short visit to Leh became worth it, just by this one stretch. We were riding with tower mountain on one side and abysmal valley on the other. Although the landscape was not snow clad yet, it was so fulfilling just to soak in the glory of the hills, the sun on top, yet the temperature hovering around zero, the eyes trying to capture every bit of the paradise…

Only when we reached Khardung la, we spotted snow. There was a huge crowd trying to take the pic beside “Highest motorable road in the world. Khardung la 18380 ft.” Of course, it was no longer the highest – it was surpassed by Umling la. But who cares! We were on top of the world with couple of degrees below zero, in the midst of the Himalayan mountains and valleys…

We went a bit further to find a less crowded yet snow covered place to spend some time. And the new decided to ride back – Nubra valley was too far ahead, we couldn’t have made it in a day.

Once back in Leh, went on the Manali highway. That is when we realized that Leh was not just a small town that we had seen the previous day. It was more developed along this highway. We visited the Shey palace, the “Rancho school” or rather the SECMOL, Thiksey monastery. 

It was dark when we returned to Leh. We did some customary shopping for “Ladakh” branded T shirts, Kesar, Figs etc… from the main bazaar.

Next morning, we went on a walk again, with an intention of trekking to the hills. We crossed through the countryside and reached the foothills. Sat there in silence trying to detach from the race we had been living. The early morning sun, cool breeze, the backdrop of the mountains, silence all around… was very serene for meditation. On the way back we entered a villager’s house, went into their backyard and plucked 5-6 kgs of apples from the tree – the freshest and yummiest I had in my life. 

Back to the hostel, we got ready and left to the airport, again by walk. We took a detour to visit Zorawar fort on the way.

The airport was crowded. Yet we made it comfortably into the plane and landed in Chandigarh. We had 4 hours for the evening Shatabdi to Delhi. We visited the Rock Garden – 40 acres of rock architecture within the city. 

We boarded the train and reached Delhi, where it was raining cats and dogs. Cabs were not available. We somehow made it home by metro, auto and walk.

I repacked my bag, slept for 3 hours and left to catch the early morning flight. I was back to my office routine Monday morning. But the 3 days spent in the Himalayas would be cherished forever. Neither had I sold anything, nor had I become a monk. But this was the much-needed break that I had longed for, and it had me embarked on the journey in pursuit of the right perspective of life. A giant first step had been taken.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeh dil maange more…

Content.

Expectation.

Greed.

If we thoroughly comprehend the meaning of these three words and segregate our thoughts / demands in the three buckets, we would all be happy. Or at least not sad. Yes, there is a difference between the two.

Any experience in isolation may give you satisfaction. But add the element of comparison; you are most certainly going to get entangled in the vicious circle of relative satisfaction.

Let’s take the topic close to the heart: salary hike. Say we got a decent 10% hike (definitely decent in Covid times, unless we are in Amazon-like companies, where we have to probably attempt murdering our manager to get into this kind of dismally low bracket). In isolation 10% sounds fine. Takes care of inflation. Gets us that extra 4-5% after paying all our bills & EMIs. We don’t think beyond this when we are the middle class salaried breed.

Now add the comparison element to this: Our colleague in the same company, or a different gets even an 11% hike. Without assessing the impact of the extra 1%, we go into the mode of “Oh, he is the blue-eyed boy of the boss”, “What did I not do to deserve that 1% more?”, “If only I was in that company / industry, I would have grown faster”… Well, once your mind has started on this journey, it’s really difficult to stop it. The Chimp in there is playing havoc.

One argument here: if we don’t compare, how will we know where we stand and get motivation? Well, if that is the case, why not compare with Warren Buffet and feel perpetually motivated? Or depressed??

Works the same way with girlfriend or wife too. When we first proposed, she was the best in the world for us. Over a period of time, we got used to them, bored of them and probably irritated by them. Extreme cases, tortured by them. Enter the Chimp: Looks around. “Oh man! That neighbour’s wife is hot”. “Oh my friend is lucky he got a rich girlfriend”. “He got a wife who is a perfect blend of traditional values and modern thinking”. “I probably should have stayed single; no tensions.”

We might, then, as well aim for a Katrina Kaif. But then, hey, when Angelina Jolie, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos or Hrithik Roshan can be let off by their partners, what probabilities can mere earthlings like us expect?

It would be appropriate to quote Gaur Gopal Das here: A perfect partner does not shout. Does not beat. Does not argue. Does not disobey. Does not cheat… and does not exist!

So then how do we insulate ourselves from all this external influences? Or become indifferent to it? Say, we are feeling bored and decide to check out Facebook. And suddenly, “Ah, this girl married and went to Chicago with her husband!” “Cool! He is holidaying in the Swiss Alps!” “Oh, her children are playback singers in the making”. “Wow! He became Vice president of the company in such a short time!”… There’s no end to it. We have 500 friends on Facebook and we will notice that those who have a decent footprint there are all so successful and enjoying their life. At least much better than we are. How is that possible? When we were the bright ones in school… When we were the one who toiled when others made merry… When we were the ones who stuck to virtues when others opted for shortcuts… Why is the world so unfair towards us??

So should we not get inspired by what we see happening with our friends? Of course we should. But by sticking to some basic rules.

Content: Happiness should be the default state; not an emotion triggered by a stimulus. Else life will become a constant pursuit of happiness. Irrespective of where we are stuck, we should pledge ourselves to remain happy. It is a power we possess. Not a weakness controlled by somebody’s remote control.

Expectation: We have to expect more from life. If not, humans would have been contented hunting animals for a living and life would have got stuck in the Neanderthal age. Desire is not the root cause of all evil; unfulfilled desire is. So if we dare to expect, we may as well dare to live with a shattered expectation.

Greed: Greed has the privilege of being among the seven deadly sins in Roman Catholic theology. Greed is simply desiring more than you actually need. In modern times, since this is triggered by what we see that others have acquired, greed is the obsessive desire to have what others have. We try to match up to them or secretly start running a rat race with them. This is a sure path to disaster. Cos we are not in control of other’s capabilities; only ours. So the best thing to show greed is to run a race against our past self. We can always desire to beat ourselves in the game of life. So that every day we are creating new benchmarks for ourselves. And nobody is getting hurt in the process. Even if we lose, we have lost against ourselves. Nobody to blame for.

Yeh dil mange more was popularized by Pepsi in their ad campaigns two and a half decades ago: a teenaged Shahid Kapoor desires for more and gets Rani Mukherjee, SRK & Kajol. Decades later in real life Shahid actually got contended with Mira Rajput, after giving up on expectations of Kareena Kapoor and probably the greed of Priyanka Chopra, Sania Mirza and the likes. It is wise to learn from our mistakes. Wiser to learn from others’.

The scheme of things

The quest for living at peace with oneself and with others is quite tedious and often leads to dead ends. Therefore some of these questions never get answered and haunt you all your life:

• What did I do that I have to go through this hell?
• Why did I get stuck in this shitty job?
• Why doesn’t he understand what I want?
• Everyone is happy; Am I the only unlucky one?
• Why do the bad enjoy while only the good suffer?

Well, in most times the problem is not that you are not getting answers from elsewhere. The problem is you are unable to convince your mind to accept that you are in this situation.

The quest led me to various sources – A “Curriculum for living” course by Landmark worldwide, Isha foundation, “Power of your subconscious mind” by Dr.Joseph Murphy, various works of Robin Sharma, Deepak Chopra, Dr.Wayne Dyer, Sandeep Maheshwari, Brahmakumaris, “The Chimp Paradox” by Dr.Steve Peters among others.

It is a no-brainer that to live at peace with everything that is happening around you, you need to accept it whole-heartedly. Easier said than done – acceptance does not come easy: you have a beautiful logic on why you cannot accept what has happened.

So I put forth 3 concepts that will open up our horizons. All three are interlinked and may feel like repetitions:

1)  Understand how your brain works
2)      The Karmic account
3)      Take responsibility

1)      The brain and battle within

Let’s have a quick understanding of the physiology of brain: For easy understanding, we divide the brain’s functioning into 3 parts”

-          The Frontal or Logical or Thinking brain: Which pauses, thinks of the consequences & then takes decisions.

-          The Parietal brain or the memory bank: Which refers to past memory and gives a suggestion that this is the best response based on past experience.

-          Limbic system or the Emotional brain (or Chimp in the language of Dr. Steve Peters): Is the Fight, Flight or Freeze brain or it works without thinking. Completely based on emotions.

All 3 are required to face the various situations in life. Let’s take a typical example of you meeting your ex-girlfriend. The Chimp is the fastest to react: It says it’s a girl – go for her! Or it’s a girl. Danger. Stay away! The Parietal brain brings forth all the past memories you had with her and that gives you a sudden rush. Finally the Frontal brain jumps up and starts thinking: Yes, she is a girl. Yes, I had good times with her in the past. But is it right to give in to those memories now? What can be the consequences? How would she feel? Will I regret later?

What follows is a nasty fight between the three. And depending on how you have tuned your brain, or how aware are you about what is happening inside you, you will choose a response. Generally, the person where the Frontal brain dominates is calmer, sorted, acts responsibly and doesn’t get into trouble. It works with conscience. Unlike the other two which work on impulses.

This is why wise men preach “Think before you think”, “Respond, don’t react” etc… Physiologically it means, think with your frontal brain.

Understanding this concept gives you the power to act responsibly in life. It also makes you wise enough to understand the behavior of others. So the next time you see your boss acting nasty, or your spouse shouting at you, pause. Smile within. And console yourself “His / her Chimp is unleashed”. You can’t console the other in that instant. Their Chimp will get angrier.

2)      The Karmic account

This is a bit spiritual – highly scientific brains may not accept this theory. But science by itself is not always capable of giving respite to your feelings.

We have heard various mythological concepts like Chitragupt keeping track of your deeds, Judgment day, Afterlife, reincarnation etc... And you have always wondered if it is really true, especially when taking decisions based on integrity. Cos external influence always says somebody got away with murder, and I am held responsible for swatting a fly. There are high chances that you will give in and justify your action, “Nobody will come to know”, “I want my share of pleasure”, “Oh, he did this to me, it’s logical I do that”…

In short the Karmic account theory says that originally a soul is pure. Throughout its journey in one body, it gathers assets & liabilities (based on the good and bad deeds done). Finally the soul leaves the body and enters another new body, but with the same old book of accounts. Now this soul may encounter another soul from earlier life and give back what was gathered in the past.

While this theory may be difficult to accept for the present generation, belief in it answers lot of questions:

•           Why is somebody behaving badly with you, while you have always been good to him / her?
•           Why should I care what he / she feels? I only got one life to live…
•      How does a child get a sanskar (characteristic) unseen in the parents, while he/she is not yet exposed to the outside world?
•          Why am I being put to test, although I have always lived by principles of virtue?

So the next time you meet someone who has the sanskar of not trusting, or always blaming others, or always critical, or betrayal… blame it on their book of accounts. Until it is squared off they will remain that way. And it is possible to square off – by doing things which balances the ones in the karma. But they need to be aware of what is at play. So do you, so as to accept that this person has had a past which has made him / her the way they are today. And that you need to send pure vibrations in order to help the other change their ways. And sending pure vibrations is easy if you have the right intention. Your thoughts reach them faster than your words. If your words say “You are such a nice person,” and your thoughts say “I need to keep him in good books, so that he doesn’t get angry”, it is the thought that gets registered, not the words.

This should keep you away from fake promises. The key is to keep your intentions pure – doesn’t matter if the words hurt.

3)      You are the creator of your life

Armed with the awareness of why the other person behaves in a certain way, it is now time to understand your circle of influence. You cannot really change another person. Giving advices, teaching, shouting etc… are all fine. But it is how the other person perceives your action, which influences how he / she will change. Perception is a very tricky thing. You hear something which may have certain meaning. However maybe because of your sanskar or the way your Chimp has processed the information, you would perceive it in a completely different meaning. And what gets perceived is what gets recorded in the parietal brain. With this recording, over a period of time, what you have perceived gets accepted by the logical brain too. In short it becomes your truth. And your response to any situation related to this person or statement will be influenced by the story that you created based on your perception in the past. You cannot imagine how this simple concept can change your life. It kind of gives you a logic, a mad conviction to justify your thoughts or deeds – good or bad.

Man is just a meaning making machine. How you understand and record what has happened in your life defines how you behave in the future. There is no point developing a victim mentality “…because of him or her I’m in this situation”. That just makes you even more powerless and drain whatever strength you have to face the situation. So understand your limitations on what you can or cannot influence. Be careful how you interpret what is happening and how you are recording it in your brain. After this, there is no looking back - hold yourself responsible for all that happens to you.

Now, if you find a person justifying, say, infidelity, understand that it is a combination of the past sanskar, how he / she has recorded this act in her brain (revenge / pleasure / his or her right / venting mechanism) and finally how the Chimp is constantly fighting to put up a brave face, in an attempt to avoid getting branded as a convict.

These three concepts in one form or the other should be the guiding light for you to lead your life. It all boils down to giving a pause:

•          Am I reacting? Are my intentions pure?
•          What are the consequences of my action?
•          Am I doing the right thing? Can I stand in front of a crowd and justify my action?

While it looks simple, it doesn’t come easy. Don’t underestimate the power of you Chimp. You need to practice hard. But the guaranteed results are

•          You are never caught in an awkward situation – can always hold your head high.
•          You will never have the victim mentality. Never blaming others for your status - always in charge of your life.
•       You will never be haunted by guilt. Lying on your death-bed and feeling remorse would be the  feeling.
•           There will be a natural vibe of happiness and confidence around you.

 

Covid conversations

I don’t believe in luck. But I certainly was pushing my luck too far when I was travelling frequently when Covid was so rampant. I did not have a choice: My wife and kids had decided to shift to Pune and I had to make at least one trip there every month. My office gave the option of working from home, but did not offer the liberty of working from any home – I had to remain in Bangalore.

Upon that four of my cousins decided to get married in successive months. I could not miss the marriages, so several visits to Mangalore became necessary. And I always chose public transport, barring the one time I rode to Mangalore on my bike and the other time when I rode overnight to Pune.

I had my own crude way of monitoring my health: I used to jog 3-4 kms in the morning. If I was not going out of breath, I had certainly not caught the infection. Yet I thought it makes sense to get myself vaccinated, when I was travelling so much. I was also a regular in office as I could never bear to sit at home all day – without much sunlight and air.

The offer to get vaccinated came from a friend of Mr.Poonawala. It was all set – I was to go to Pune one weekend and I could get my whole family vaccinated. Morally not right to jump the queue when the whole country was struggling for jabs. But sometimes you become selfish – comfort wins over morality.

But my family advised against taking the vaccine due to the rumors they had heard. Atleast they did not want to me get vaccinated when I was with them in Pune, lest I catch fever and in turn put the kids in danger.

So when I actually fell ill 2 weeks after that Pune trip, I was silently cursing my wife for denying me a shot. I spent most part of that weekend in bed – I was too tired and had no motivation to get out of bed even to cook. By evening I went out to purchase a thermometer and checked the temperature. 102.6.

Now I have to state my belief system. I have been raised by heavy dosages of books and concepts like Quantum healing by Deepak Chopra, Power of your sub-conscious mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy and of late sermons by Sister Shivani of Brahmakumaris. All these had influenced me into creating my belief system: If you think you are feeling unwell, slowly your mind will believe it and make you unwell. As a corollary, if you believe that you are in the pink of your health, the mind works to achieve that status, even if you are ill physically. This belief system had refrained me from taking any kind of medicines for any kind of illness – and I hardly contacted anything serious in a long time. The last time I was hospitalized was when I had a tryst with typhoid soon after my break-up. I had reasons to believe that the break-up had a strong say in destroying my immunity leading to me letting the bacteria to conquer my body.

But when I saw 102.6 on the thermometer, I decided to pop a Paracetemol. I had to attend a product strategy meeting with the Sweden team the next day and I did not want to miss it due to illness.

I was advised by my in-laws to get a RTPCR done to be on the safe side. Next morning I was up and was feeling so fine that I cycled to the hospital to get the RTPCR done. I gave my samples, returned home and was into the meetings. I ended up attending day long meetings, the side-effects of work from home, on the next day too.

So I was really shocked when I received my test report from the lab – I was Covid positive! Suddenly I had become an untouchable! Suddenly I was to be contained within the four walls of the house! I waited till midnight to share the report with my office and family – else I would start getting calls and advices all night. I slept with the heavy heart that I would not be encountering humanity, sun light and wind for the next 2 weeks. That was even terrible than Covid.

The calls started in the morning: My parents wanted me to come over to Mangalore immediately, having seen the condition of Bangalore on the local news channels – public running away from the city, patients waiting for beds outside hospitals, sky-rocketing statistics… My in-laws wanted me to immediately get a CT scan done and start on a course of Azithromycin, Tamiflu and Vitamin C, D & Zinc supplements. Regular Oximeter reading was mandatory.

I was fearing that everyone would push me out of my belief system and turn my body into a chemical dustbin.

So I contacted my doctor friend in London. She was tested positive couple of months ago and had recovered. That gave the much needed relief: She started with a nice “Welcome to the league!” and went on to advice to remain hydrated and take medicine only if fever prevails. Just go on with your routine work. Only if you feel too tired and breathless in doing the regular work, oximeter is to be used.

Well, the patient wanted to hear just this thing from the doctor. I was suddenly full of life – placebo effect. I decided to take the bike to Mangalore – that was also the legal thing to do, as hiring a cab might put the driver at risk.

However the family was dead against my brilliant idea. I booked an Uber outstation and reached my parents, I kept the windows down and always had the mask on so as to minimize risk of any kind of spreading to the driver. I locked myself into a room. Food, hot water for gargling and tulsi water for steaming was delivered at the door.

While I was feeling physically fit, mental peace had been disturbed. There was so much news on social media and several whatsapp groups. I did not know what to attribute my better health to – either I had caught a not-so-wild virus or the time I had dedicated to keep myself fit had yielded results by suppressing the virus within me. Many of my colleagues were also infected and some had recovered. Most common advice coming from them was to stay indoors, cut off from office, Netflix and chill.

I decided to take a 3 days break from office – had not taken one in a very long time and my mind was begging for mercy. I started reading a book, also something I had not done in a long time. Coincidentally, the book was also about a person getting lost in the melee of corporate world and how he ignores the bare essentials in life and where he ends up. While this was a known phenomenon, the timing and state in which I read it actually struck some chords in me. I decided not succumb to the tides – all along I had tried to go with the flow, doing things what others wanted of me, keeping my feelings suppressed, trying to oblige everyone in an attempt to be good to everyone… and I realized I had lost my true self in the process. I had kind of become a puppet dancing to the tunes of the hands that controlled it by the strings.

I started to do some thought download and went on to write about my life. I poured all my thoughts and emotions – which were all pent up for an exceedingly long time. I reflected on where I went wrong and where I let people take advantage of me. Once completed, it was a huge relief. It felt like I had taken a massive load off my head, put it in a locker and stored it away for eternity.

I then started attending office online. Meanwhile I lost a close friend in office. It was scary to think that 3 weeks ago I had spent time with him in the office canteen sharing a bhel puri and discussing on how he would spend time when he goes to meet his family after one year. Once he reached his family he had caught Covid and succumbed after a week’s struggle.

Suddenly all the struggles we go through life, things we do in anticipation of rewards, things we do to satisfy our egos, expectations, desires and the unfulfilled state of it… everything that we have been giving so much importance to, felt so trivial and meaningless. It took an invisible virus to bring this change of perception that we are so vulnerable and should actually be grateful for what we have got in life. Instead we spend so much time pondering on those few things that we have not got and that actually takes the center-stage of mind. We conveniently forget the goodness we have experienced throughout our journey. The same gets replicated in office. The same gets replicated in relationships.

Locked in the tiny 10x12 room, I got relieved – physically, not much was needed. But mentally, to a great extent. It is 2 weeks since I felt the first symptoms and I have already started going on my morning jogs.