Content.
Expectation.
Greed.
If
we thoroughly comprehend the meaning of these three words and segregate our
thoughts / demands in the three buckets, we would all be happy. Or at least not
sad. Yes, there is a difference between the two.
Any
experience in isolation may give you satisfaction. But add the element of
comparison; you are most certainly going to get entangled in the vicious circle
of relative satisfaction.
Let’s
take the topic close to the heart: salary hike. Say we got a decent 10% hike (definitely
decent in Covid times, unless we are in Amazon-like companies, where we have to
probably attempt murdering our manager to get into this kind of dismally low
bracket). In isolation 10% sounds fine. Takes care of inflation. Gets us that
extra 4-5% after paying all our bills & EMIs. We don’t think beyond this
when we are the middle class salaried breed.
Now
add the comparison element to this: Our colleague in the same company, or a
different gets even an 11% hike. Without assessing the impact of the extra 1%, we
go into the mode of “Oh, he is the blue-eyed boy of the boss”, “What did I not
do to deserve that 1% more?”, “If only I was in that company / industry, I
would have grown faster”… Well, once your mind has started on this journey, it’s
really difficult to stop it. The Chimp in there is playing havoc.
One
argument here: if we don’t compare, how will we know where we stand and get
motivation? Well, if that is the case, why not compare with Warren Buffet and
feel perpetually motivated? Or depressed??
Works
the same way with girlfriend or wife too. When we first proposed, she was the
best in the world for us. Over a period of time, we got used to them, bored of
them and probably irritated by them. Extreme cases, tortured by them. Enter the
Chimp: Looks around. “Oh man! That neighbour’s wife is hot”. “Oh my friend is
lucky he got a rich girlfriend”. “He got a wife who is a perfect blend of traditional
values and modern thinking”. “I probably should have stayed single; no
tensions.”
We
might, then, as well aim for a Katrina Kaif. But then, hey, when Angelina
Jolie, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos or Hrithik Roshan can be let off by their
partners, what probabilities can mere earthlings like us expect?
It
would be appropriate to quote Gaur Gopal Das here: A perfect partner does not
shout. Does not beat. Does not argue. Does not disobey. Does not cheat… and
does not exist!
So
then how do we insulate ourselves from all this external influences? Or become
indifferent to it? Say, we are feeling bored and decide to check out Facebook.
And suddenly, “Ah, this girl married and went to Chicago with her husband!” “Cool!
He is holidaying in the Swiss Alps!” “Oh, her children are playback singers in
the making”. “Wow! He became Vice president of the company in such a short
time!”… There’s no end to it. We have 500 friends on Facebook and we will
notice that those who have a decent footprint there are all so successful and
enjoying their life. At least much better than we are. How is that possible? When
we were the bright ones in school… When we were the one who toiled when others
made merry… When we were the ones who stuck to virtues when others opted for
shortcuts… Why is the world so unfair towards us??
So
should we not get inspired by what we see happening with our friends? Of course
we should. But by sticking to some basic rules.
Content:
Happiness should be the default state; not an emotion triggered by a stimulus. Else
life will become a constant pursuit of happiness. Irrespective of where we are
stuck, we should pledge ourselves to remain happy. It is a power we possess.
Not a weakness controlled by somebody’s remote control.
Expectation:
We have to expect more from life. If not, humans would have been contented
hunting animals for a living and life would have got stuck in the Neanderthal age.
Desire is not the root cause of all evil; unfulfilled desire is. So if we dare
to expect, we may as well dare to live with a shattered expectation.
Greed:
Greed has the privilege of being among the seven deadly sins in Roman Catholic
theology. Greed is simply desiring more than you actually need. In modern
times, since this is triggered by what we see that others have acquired, greed
is the obsessive desire to have what others have. We try to match up to them or
secretly start running a rat race with them. This is a sure path to disaster.
Cos we are not in control of other’s capabilities; only ours. So the best thing
to show greed is to run a race against our past self. We can always desire to
beat ourselves in the game of life. So that every day we are creating new
benchmarks for ourselves. And nobody is getting hurt in the process. Even if we
lose, we have lost against ourselves. Nobody to blame for.
Yeh dil mange more was popularized by Pepsi in their ad campaigns
two and a half decades ago: a teenaged Shahid Kapoor desires for more and gets
Rani Mukherjee, SRK & Kajol. Decades later in real life Shahid actually got
contended with Mira Rajput, after giving up on expectations of Kareena Kapoor
and probably the greed of Priyanka Chopra, Sania Mirza and the likes. It is
wise to learn from our mistakes. Wiser to learn from others’.
