Bliss

Yes, we live in a world which offers a variety of things – happiness in packets of various sizes, people with varied behaviors, incidents which lead to joyful repercussions... It’s amazing to associate with all of these & conclude that life is beautiful.

Everything seems picture perfect… until something unpleasant happens.

It’s not a world which runs on our fantasies. Not everything we imagine or want to occur in our life will execute the way we want it. Too many variables are involved in the process and we cannot influence each & every one of them. And when so many events have a probability of occurrence, it is but statistically inevitable that few of the outcomes are not favorable. More often you feel that the world is filled with nasty people wanting to take advantage of you & you are constantly swimming against the current.

What is the best way to deal with it?

Indifference, is definitely an option. Come what may, I’m the same person can take you a long way. You can just ignore the bad things coming your way or the bad people trying to rub you on the wrong side and get away with it. You just have to be careful not to ignore the people who genuinely want to be there for you. Lest they feel offended & cease their love & affection towards you in which case you’d be limiting your life to a mundane grind of everyday - lifeless. It’s a balancing act you need to play well.

One idea which appealed to me during my early stints towards spiritualism was the mind & body concept. Imagine yourself as a body experiencing life. Your mind - the real you - is just hovering around your body & keeping watch from a distance. Whatever bad things has to happen, will happen to your body. You, the mind, have to only sit back & say “Poor body, has to go through all this...” & may be laugh over it & with “Ok fine body, you’ve gone through enough. Now buck up & get over it”. This concept gives us a buffer – that it is not you who’s been cheated, or taken for a ride, or taken advantage of… it’s just your body. Ultimately what you feel is what you live. It offers a convenience to deal over things. As for experiencing happiness, it doesn’t matter how you deal with it – either ways it is giving you joy.

Most of us associate ourselves with our surroundings. We depend on our friends, spouse & colleagues to find peace and joy. We are very much influenced by their acts.

Perfectly alright. They are all meant to give you that relaxation. To open up that path to well-being.

Problem occurs because we are expecting only good from them & something unpleasant comes instead. This may not be intentional. We are completely different human beings & we think differently. It is not unusual that your thoughts do not match. All differences arise when you expect something & you get something else on the platter. And then you go into the whirlwind of emotions. “How could he do this to me?”, “Oh, I loved her so much. She cheated on me!”, “I worked day & night. But the management did not opt me for a promotion...”

Once your mind is hijacked by emotions, you are entering a black hole. You fail to think straight. Advises from your dear ones seem senseless. You feel that no one understands you. You tend to conjure wild thoughts in your mind & continue to nurture it until it is concreted there & becomes a reality for you. Depression, hallucination, bad health conditions are among the common aftermath…

It is extremely difficult to get you out of there unless you genuinely realize that you have been thinking wrong. Once this first step is taken towards restoration, you may either take the whip in your hands or just give in completely to someone you trust – spouse or your best friend – to guide you out of it.

Which brings us to the big questions: Do we have to be so vulnerable? Can we not depend on anybody? Are we not social beings?

If you need a foolproof way to bliss, the only place to look for is inwards. That is the only place which is hundred percent under your control. You can decide what it has to do & what it should not. You know for sure that if something goes wrong it is only you who needs to be blamed.

And what does “looking inward” mean? Does it mean we need to totally cut off from the external world?

Looking inward means to have a constant check on your thoughts. The most important attribute essential here is patience. Patience takes you a long way in analyzing things properly and deducing on a solution. Patience keeps you away from emotional upheavals. Patience teaches you to be at peace with others. You also need to develop the trait of acceptance. Which means you should be at peace with whatever is happening in your life. You should learn to respect other’s thoughts even if they are not in line with yours. Basically, expectations should take a back seat & acceptance will hold the steering wheel. So the flow of thoughts will be on these lines: “Oh, he’s not liking it. I think I should not be expecting this from him...”, “She likes to spend more time with her friends than me. Let her enjoy her life. I’ll wait for her”, “The top management is fond of that guy and may elevate him sooner. It’s okay, he’s lucky. As long as I like my work, I’ll do it. Else there are other people who like my work than my current bosses”

This does not mean you are complacent & devoid of desires. It is more convenient to be flexible about. You should understand that you cannot decide an outcome of a desire, beyond a certain point until where you can influence it. So better be ready to be contended with the result and take it in good sense. Again this is for convenience – for if you want to associate sadness with the failure, you have to live with that feeling for quite some time until some other event takes you mind off to another feeling. Please note that all our actions are in one way or the other connected to convenience. The way we think, what we believe, how we act… most of our actions are generally the most convenient act to do at that instant. How we react in that situation and how strong are your principals in influencing your reaction decides your character.

Coming back, the aim should be to take this inner pleasantness so such a high that you fly from bliss to ecstasy. You should be living in ecstasy hundred percent of your time & without the need of stimulants. Not like getting high over a drink & experiencing ecstasy until you are in a hangover. How sickening is the thought that you have too lose your sense to get into ecstasy? How pathetic does it make you when you know you can’t get ecstatic while you are sober?

And no, it does not mean you should be cut-off from the world. Yes, it helps to hold yourself responsible for everything happening in your life. You have to take charge of yourself in order to get you out of any mess you may wander into. Until you are fully equipped & self-sustaining to handle yourself, it is best to share your feelings with people who really count. You must have heard the cliché Don’t share your problems with others. Few of them don’t care & the others are glad.

Invest in a person who is neither of the above. You may feel the species is extinct. You only need to look hard & work on the relationship you have zeroed in on. Sharing your emotions has plenty of benefits – for one it gives a third person’s version of a problem. We (more often people in love) fail to see the most obvious, when we are hurt or carried away by emotions. Apart from them sharing gives a feeling that everything is not bottled up inside you & ready to explode. You know that someone will understand what you are going through and do the needful when the time comes. The highlight here should be in finding the right person. This person need not be the one who validates all your thoughts. (This is one of the most common reason for a rift between couples) You don’t need validation when you know, with conviction, that you are right. People seek validation only when they are unsure or not confident of their deeds.

It is a great boost when you know you can count on your best friend or your spouse to stand by you, when you go weak. Just make sure that the person you are relying on is in an unconditional relationship with you – in unconditional love or an unconditional friendship. It’s bliss just to be in such a relationship. So it doesn't matter taking a risk and expecting them to stand by you. The pain which comes by them not heeding to you (a distant possibility) is worth enjoying. But the pleasure when they are with you in everything is just ecstatic – there will be no room for sadness, fear, guilt, depression or any kind of negatives…

Let's talk rape

Rape.

So much is being written about it these days that the crime seems to have joined the league of the daily weather reports in the media.

Let’s try and analyse this act:

No, we will not dwell on the Indian Penal Code’s section 375, 376 & its subsequent amendments, what is considered as rape, what is the punishment, exceptions on marital rape, what percentage of accused finally get what they deserve etc.. Let’s focus more on the mechanics or kinetics of rape.

It is a natural phenomenon that a man gets attracted to a woman. The intensity of attraction may range from just giving a second glance to staring, stalking, stripping with the eyes to the worst possible reaction, rape.

A lot depends on the behaviour on background of the man in question. If he has had a good upbringing he may just stop at the “second glance”. People with troubled past or with criminal intensions while go on till the last step.

What exactly is happening here? It is the simple response to stimuli: Man sees a woman; the testosterone & androstenediaone harmones get secreted. More importantly the LH (luteinising harmone is secreted by pituitary gland. This harmone is strongly linked to desire. So it boils down to how successful you are in handling your harmones. It becomes all the more difficult when the “stimuli” is  more attractive – say more beautiful, or scantily clad – in which case the woman gets her mission of attracting attention accomplished, but also invites trouble as complimentary. The tussle between the harmones & the mind continues for some time – the mind trying to subdue the desire ready to be unleashed. It is only those few moments that determine whether the desire concludes in a rape or otherwise.

The environment also plays a major role here. Say, the place is deserted. The desire takes the upper hand considering the possibility of “doing it & getting away with it”. Say you are in a gang outnumbering the woman & her accomplices. Again you see a possibility of a clear “win”.

The above holds true for the weak minded, or chronically ill in the brain or for someone who has a certified criminal record. But rape is not limited to this. How come celebrities, politicians, “happily married” people end up in a rape accusation?

Reema Kagti, director of “Talaash” says in an interview. Men go to prostitutes to get what they don’t from their wives. So apart from the instant reaction to the hormonal surge, there is also one more factor acting on men – unfulfilled sexual desires. Say, husband wants to try out something different – that amazing posture he watched in a porn movie - & the wife is not in the mood for games… Lo! There’s something missing in his life which he tries to seek elsewhere: he may resort to more pornography; he may invest in a prostitute; he may try finding an accommodating friend of the opposite sex, all of which are harmless (atleast from the rape perspective). If all of the above options fail to materialize, he has ventured into the high risk zone of incumbent rape.

Unfulfilled desire is a dangerous thing: An infant tries to cry its way to fulfilling its desire. A juvenile can get into depression when the desirous results don’t turn up in exams. It is only natural for the others to act against the mind.

Of course, we have the third category of sick-in-the-head people who plan rapes just for the heck of it. They get their kicks in overpowering their victims. They can go after anything with a hole – this is the category where you hear news about children or elderly women getting raped or the episodes of brutal sexual violence. There are no causative effects here like the earlier two cases – it’s a plain simple insane act of showing your power over the victim; that sadistic pleasure in getting the victim to wither under your control.

We all know what runs in the mind of rape victims. But what exactly happens in the minds of rapists after they are through with their job? Well, the first category guys may develop fear about the entire incident which happened accidentally, & will try to flee from everything. The second category would have a feeling of satisfaction, but also will nurture guilt as he realizes everything was fine except for this wild fantasy remaining unfulfilled. As for the third category, well, there is nothing happening in there as there is no mind at all for the purpose of thinking.

Having understood the above, knowing very well that all kinds of people are out there & also that you cannot fully rely on the existing security system of the law, nor can you expect the potential tormentor to have undergone a “mind control session” by Deepak Chopra,  it makes sense in taking that extra precaution like learning self defence, avoiding deserted areas or nights, avoiding provocative clothes… Ultimately, it is one act where you would not like to look back into & nor look forward to seeking justice or solace.