Yes, we live
in a world which offers a variety of things – happiness in packets of various
sizes, people with varied behaviors, incidents which lead to joyful
repercussions... It’s amazing to associate with all of these & conclude
that life is beautiful.
Everything
seems picture perfect… until something unpleasant happens.
It’s not a
world which runs on our fantasies. Not everything we imagine or want to occur
in our life will execute the way we want it. Too many variables are involved in
the process and we cannot influence each & every one of them. And when so
many events have a probability of occurrence, it is but statistically
inevitable that few of the outcomes are not favorable. More often you feel that
the world is filled with nasty people wanting to take advantage of you &
you are constantly swimming against the current.
What is the
best way to deal with it?
Indifference,
is definitely an option. Come what may,
I’m the same person can take you a long way. You can just ignore the bad
things coming your way or the bad people trying to rub you on the wrong side
and get away with it. You just have to be careful not to ignore the people who genuinely
want to be there for you. Lest they feel offended & cease their love &
affection towards you in which case you’d be limiting your life to a mundane
grind of everyday - lifeless. It’s a balancing act you need to play well.
One idea which
appealed to me during my early stints towards spiritualism was the mind &
body concept. Imagine yourself as a body experiencing life. Your mind - the
real you - is just hovering around your body & keeping watch from a
distance. Whatever bad things has to happen, will happen to your body. You, the
mind, have to only sit back & say “Poor body, has to go through all this...”
& may be laugh over it & with “Ok fine body, you’ve gone through
enough. Now buck up & get over it”. This concept gives us a buffer – that it
is not you who’s been cheated, or taken for a ride, or taken advantage of… it’s
just your body. Ultimately what you feel is what you live. It offers a
convenience to deal over things. As for experiencing happiness, it doesn’t
matter how you deal with it – either ways it is giving you joy.
Most of us
associate ourselves with our surroundings. We depend on our friends, spouse
& colleagues to find peace and joy. We are very much influenced by their
acts.
Perfectly
alright. They are all meant to give you that relaxation. To open up that path
to well-being.
Problem occurs
because we are expecting only good from them & something unpleasant comes
instead. This may not be intentional. We are completely different human beings
& we think differently. It is not unusual that your thoughts do not match.
All differences arise when you expect something & you get something else on
the platter. And then you go into the whirlwind of emotions. “How could he do
this to me?”, “Oh, I loved her so much. She cheated on me!”, “I worked day
& night. But the management did not opt me for a promotion...”
Once your mind
is hijacked by emotions, you are entering a black hole. You fail to think
straight. Advises from your dear ones seem senseless. You feel that no one
understands you. You tend to conjure wild thoughts in your mind & continue
to nurture it until it is concreted there & becomes a reality for you. Depression,
hallucination, bad health conditions are among the common aftermath…
It is
extremely difficult to get you out of there unless you genuinely realize that
you have been thinking wrong. Once this first step is taken towards restoration,
you may either take the whip in your hands or just give in completely to
someone you trust – spouse or your best friend – to guide you out of it.
Which brings
us to the big questions: Do we have to be so vulnerable? Can we not depend on
anybody? Are we not social beings?
If you need a
foolproof way to bliss, the only place to look for is inwards. That is the only
place which is hundred percent under your control. You can decide what it has
to do & what it should not. You know for sure that if something goes wrong
it is only you who needs to be blamed.
And what does
“looking inward” mean? Does it mean we need to totally cut off from the
external world?
Looking inward
means to have a constant check on your thoughts. The most important attribute essential
here is patience. Patience takes you
a long way in analyzing things properly and deducing on a solution. Patience
keeps you away from emotional upheavals. Patience teaches you to be at peace
with others. You also need to develop the trait of acceptance. Which means you should be at peace with whatever is
happening in your life. You should learn to respect other’s thoughts even if
they are not in line with yours. Basically, expectations should take a back
seat & acceptance will hold the steering wheel. So the flow of thoughts
will be on these lines: “Oh, he’s not liking it. I think I should not be
expecting this from him...”, “She likes to spend more time with her friends
than me. Let her enjoy her life. I’ll wait for her”, “The top management is fond
of that guy and may elevate him sooner. It’s okay, he’s lucky. As long as I
like my work, I’ll do it. Else there are other people who like my work than my
current bosses”
This does not
mean you are complacent & devoid of desires. It is more convenient to be
flexible about. You should understand that you cannot decide an outcome of a
desire, beyond a certain point until where you can influence it. So better be
ready to be contended with the result and take it in good sense. Again this is
for convenience – for if you want to associate sadness with the failure, you
have to live with that feeling for quite some time until some other event takes
you mind off to another feeling. Please note that all our actions are in one
way or the other connected to convenience. The way we think, what we believe,
how we act… most of our actions are generally the most convenient act to do at
that instant. How we react in that situation and how strong are your principals
in influencing your reaction decides your character.
Coming back, the
aim should be to take this inner pleasantness so such a high that you fly from
bliss to ecstasy. You should be living in ecstasy hundred percent of your time
& without the need of stimulants. Not like getting high over a drink &
experiencing ecstasy until you are in a hangover. How sickening is the thought
that you have too lose your sense to get into ecstasy? How pathetic does it
make you when you know you can’t get ecstatic while you are sober?
And no, it
does not mean you should be cut-off from the world. Yes, it helps to hold
yourself responsible for everything happening in your life. You have to take
charge of yourself in order to get you out of any mess you may wander into. Until
you are fully equipped & self-sustaining to handle yourself, it is best to
share your feelings with people who really count. You must have heard the
cliché Don’t share your problems with
others. Few of them don’t care & the others are glad.
Invest in a
person who is neither of the above. You may feel the species is extinct. You
only need to look hard & work on the relationship you have zeroed in on.
Sharing your emotions has plenty of benefits – for one it gives a third
person’s version of a problem. We (more often people in love) fail to see the
most obvious, when we are hurt or carried away by emotions. Apart from them
sharing gives a feeling that everything is not bottled up inside you &
ready to explode. You know that someone will understand what you are going
through and do the needful when the time comes. The highlight here should be in
finding the right person.
It is a great
boost when you know you can count on your best friend or your spouse to stand
by you, when you go weak. Just make sure that the person you are relying on is
in an unconditional relationship with you – in unconditional love or an
unconditional friendship. It’s bliss just to be in such a relationship. So it
doesn't matter taking a risk and expecting them to stand by you. The pain which
comes by them not heeding to you (a distant possibility) is worth enjoying. But
the pleasure when they are with you in everything is just ecstatic – there will
be no room for sadness, fear, guilt, depression or any kind of negatives…
