Ricksha(w)oes

The Oxford dictionary defines auto rickshaw as a motorized, three-wheeled rickshaw for public hire.  A more apt and elaborate definition would be a pod-like commuter vehicle which snakes its way through mess & melee, looting the passengers all along.

You can’t miss them. They are omnipresent & crying for attention while at it. Take for example your daily commuting in the city. Atleast a quarter of the time you are behind an auto rickshaw. This is the time when you have to be more cautious than crossing the busiest road of the city. The following things can happen when you are least expecting it:

-       If you are following a slow rickshaw, don’t conclude that the driver is conscious of the speed limits; it only means the auto is empty - even a vulture is slow which searching for its prey.

-       The cruising rickshaw can come to a sudden halt on spotting a prospective client.

-       The rickshaw can turn in any direction without giving you any notice. Please do not wait for the indicators to warn you; they are rudimentary.

Let’s assume you just arrived in a city by bus early in the morning. Ever wondered how the passengers in the bus get distributed among the countless rickshaws waiting outside? As you are getting down there are atleast four rickshaw drivers peering through the exit door. You can hear them bidding for you like the IPL team owners: “Black T shirt is mine..”, “Bald uncle in mine..” “Red bag aunty for me..”. By the time you get down you are already “bought” by a particular driver.

Now you start the negotiation. The driver is very courteous in carrying your luggage upto his rickshaw. In the 30 seconds taken to reach his vehicle, he has made a full assessment of your background: are you a newcomer in the town, would you be the naïve kind or would you argue, how much can you afford..

The conversation which follows is something like this:

“Where to?”

“XYZ”

“Where in XYZ”, this is to check if you know the place & the distance. If you falter here, then he has earned 2 points & you are at zero.

“Near ABC”

“Is it near DEF behind ABC?” This is to gauge if the landmark you mentioned is actually known to you or not.

“I’ll show you the way,” is the best answer you can give, so as to save your skin & your money. Any other reply and you are sure to be taken on a ride.

You get into the auto & he immediately pushes off.

“Why is the meter not on?” you ask innocently.

“Meter is not working, sir”. You have to appreciate the unity among drivers. In the morning hours, none of the meters work! Even if it works (which is the rarest of the rare cases), they will ask you one & half times the meter.

“Why one & half?”, you will ask if you are aware of ‘one & half timings’.

The replies can be any one of the following:

-       “Sir, I have been waiting all night”.

-       “Sir, I have to come back here empty.”

-       “New rates not updated in the meter”

Finally you agree for some amount, assuming you have clinched a good deal. Only once I tried to play it a bit longer. I opened Google maps on my phone & showed him the exact distance & then multiplied by the per kilometer cost. The driver grumbled something about one-way and I realized I’m not heading anywhere with my street-smart act.

You will also notice one more thing. Most autos fill gas only when they are engaged. I have never been able to figure out what is the benefit they get by keeping us with them for 5 more minutes. Throughout the rickshaw ride, (something similar to a roller coaster ride, only difference being here you know you are not in a safe & secure environment) all you can enjoy is the extra-loud music of local super-hits and the poster of the local heroines in the sides.

All the above is more or less common in all cities with extent of severity varying from the least in Mumbai (one of the best for hassle-free auto commuting) to the worst in Chennai. I have never travelled with a meter on in Chennai. The drivers are not interested in short rides even if you are ready to pay Rs.50 for 2 kms. They don’t care a damn about idling, as long as the margins are not absurdly high. Three out of five auto rides have come with the complimentary fuel station tour. None of the auto drivers even want to try talking any other language but Tamil.

One more face of autos you will see is the with school going kids packed in. The kids are so stuffed inside that you begin to wonder if the auto has capabilities to compress its contents, simultaneously hanging the school bags & lunch bags dangerously onto rear view mirrors.

All said and done, you cannot do away with rickshaws – they are your first “friends” and only saviors when you go to a new city.